BEWARE! This is all "venting"!

First off I would like to wish my Mom a Happy Birthday (again).  She is the most amazing person in the whole wide world and has been there for me 110% of the time!  She often had to play the role of mom and dad since we moved away from my dad when I was very little, and has always put us kids before herself.  My mom has sacrificed so much for me and my brothers and sometimes it makes me feel guilty because we did get anything we wanted even if that meant she couldnt get something she needed!  She is my #1 best friend EVER and is the only person I can call and vent to anyone about!  She listens and often gives me advice but never tells me I am wrong, even when I am, and supports my decisions with out a question.  I am so glad to see her where she is at in her life right now, she has THE BEST husband in the world, her fancy Lexus, a gorgeous home in North Ogden with a view to die for, a fantastic job that allows her to have freedom, she will be graduating from University of Phoenix soon, and is living a GREAT life full of vacations, camping trips, and FUN!! My mom deserves the best possible and nothing less :) She truly is an amazing woman, wife, mom, and grandma!

Now for some serious venting (I dont know if its the hormones or what but I have so much I need to get out lol)  I do NOT want to offend anyone so if you start to feel that way, please stop reading!
I dont even know where to begin so I will just start typing and if it doesnt make since, oh well, I am getting it off my chest and thats all I need to do!  My first subject is this whole religion thing and the way people in this wonderful state of Utah think.. Most people know Brandon and I were married in the temple.  Well we are coming up on our 3 year anniversary and we no longer go to church and no longer take part in any of that stuff anymore.  It has taken me almost this whole 3 years to wonder why Brandon and I struggled so bad to go to church and be the people we were when we got married.  But I have finally decided PART of the reason.  I have never been the type of person to judge someone because I have been through a lot and we are all humans and suffer our own things.. We are all born good people and some people just choose to make other decisions that may not seem right to everyone else.  I was raised with strong morals and taught to treat everyone equal! It just seemed like the more and more involved I would get into the church the more I felt like I should be "judging" a person because they got a divorce, or had a baby without being married, or did something the church didnt think was right.  There was so much gossip and I felt like I was constantly in a glass fish bowl sitting in class wondering if I was living a "good enough" life to avoid everyone talking about me.  I am a very self confident person and never lets anyones words or judging get to me as long as I am happy.  It got to the point where Brandon and I would refuse to go to church because I was no longer going for me, I was going so my name wouldnt be mentioned if I missed a few Sundays in a row.  Then after we had Kinsey I decided I really wanted her to be blessed so I started meeting with the bishop in the ward and he had asked if Brandon would come with me the next time.  So Brandon decided to go for Kinsey's sake and all it was, was a HUGE pressure put on Brandon's shoulder telling him he HAD to give Kinsey her blessing, and it wont mean the same or be "as good" if someone else gave it to her, blah blah blah... Well that automatically turned Brandon away even more because his whole life he was pressured by his parents to go to church to the point where he never got the chance to choose to go on his own or enjoy any of it! So now he had to tell the bishop and his family he would not be doing the blessing.. It makes me wonder if he didnt have so much pressure from his family and the bishop to give the blessing, if he would have chose to do it on his own.. we will never know because the church is always putting that pressure on us to be more or someone we dont want to be.  Now that we are living in a house, our neighbors seemed so nice when we moved in and were so welcoming but now that they notice we have not gone to church or are not active members, its like we have the plague or something!  I HATE it so bad!!!! What happened to the moral of everyone is equal?!  I fear that Kinsey will be looked at different because she doesnt go to church or her parents arent active because I know that has happened to my youngest brother and it is just plain out ridiculous!  I have always wanted to stay close to family and be within driving distance to my mom's house so I could visit whenever, but I am sad to say, our next house will either be clear in Sugarhouse or out of state to try and get away from all these judging, gossiping people who believe they are perfect.  Who cares if so and so's marriage is having problems, let them deal with it on their own and lets not talk about it to the whole world, or who cares if so and so's daughter is pregnant and still in high school, or who cares if the people down the street are struggling financially and the wife has to find a job. These are all things that happen to GOOD people and dont need to be talked about to everyone!  I know not all religious people are this way because I have met so many that are so amazing and are truly great people.  They do not believe they are perfect and believe that we are all equal and good people.. So again I dont want to offend anyone by this post but its those few people out there that have ruined it and made it so going to church is NOT enjoyable.  I have even been told by a certain someone that I no longer talk to, that I would not be a sufficient mother to my children if I did not attend church!! Who on earth tells someone that?! I am sure I have just had my bad experiences with people that has left this bad taste in my mouth, and hope it will soon change!  Well thats all for the venting I have tonight.. I feel SO MUCH better and might even get some good rest tonight ;)